An Emotional Day

Where do I begin?

Last night I was SOOOO excited to see all the referrals coming in for the families in our adoption program. There were 15 yesterday! It is so amazing and SO WONDERFUL! These kids need to get home to their families!

It became apparent last night that the process could be speeding up. We got the news that our agency has teamed up with two new orphanages, and it seems that all or most of the referrals from yesterday came from one of the new ones. Well, today I decided to contact our social worker to find out more info and touch base. After emailing back and forth a few times, she decided to take a closer look at what our wait time might actually be now. I was shocked when she replied back to me. Headquarters told her that with our age range, we should expect a referral in as little as 2 months. WOW! As you all know, we are expecting a biological child in April. Timing is unfortuneately an issue for us at this point. The agency prefers that there is at least 6 months between our childrens' arrivals. This means that they would like our new baby to be about 6 months old before we bring our daughter home. Up until yesterday, we didn't think that would even be an issue. We thought we would be LUCKY if we had a referral by next Christmas.

We've decided to put our adoption process on an unofficial hold until our son is born. We will not be taken off the list. They will just wait to match us with a child until they hear that we are ready. It sounds like an easy enough decision to make, but I find myself really struggling with it. We are so anxious to bring our daughter home. Even though we don't know who she is yet, it is agonizing to know that technically we could get a referral any day but we are choosing not to for now.

And to make everything even more agonizing, there was a new referral posted on the board this afternoon. A family that is only 2 spots ahead of us on the list just got a referral for a 2.5 year old boy. Only 2 spots ahead of us!!!! If we weren't putting ourselves on hold, we could have potentially received a referral very soon.

I know that everything happens for a reason and that God's timing is perfect. And of course, I am EXTREMELY GRATEFUL to have this little boy growing inside my belly. I can't wait to meet him! It really isn't a bad "problem" to have - trying to plan how and when we will bring 2 new children into our lives. In fact, it's a huge blessing. I'm trying to teach myself to look at it that way instead. It's just been a lot to deal with today. All of it has been so shocking, exciting, and unexpected.