Can our dreams really give us a look into the future? Some people think so. I've never really believed that, but I uncovered something that gave me goosebumps tonight.
I have a personal blog that is not available publicly. It's more like a diary where I document my most personal thoughts. I usually only use my personal blog when something big and private is going on in my life. I blogged about all of my miscarriages as they happened. I blogged about the early days of my pregnancies, before they became public knowledge. I blogged about our adoption before it was public knowledge too. Tonight I realized that I have never gone back to read any of my personal blogs, and the reason for that is that many of them contain very painful memories. As soon as I realized that, I knew I had to read it. The painful memories cannot be shut away. They have to be dealt with.
I was reading through some of my old posts, and was actually quite entertained with myself, when I came across this little gem:
I wrote this on May 8, 2009. This was before we even started our home study. In the same post, I was all excited because our background clearances had just come through (part of the formal application process). This was before I was pregnant with Reed, and all I wanted was a BABY. I wanted the youngest baby I could possibly be placed with, and we hadn't even considered toddlers or older children. Obviously, so much changed over the course of our adoption. We got pregnant with a healthy baby, which made us open to older children, but we also learned so much more about adoption that made us want to be open to greater possibilities. I would have never imagined being matched with a 4 year old girl back when we started this process, but it is so obvious that Aubree belongs with us. Our adoption journey played out exactly how it needed to in order bring Lemlem Tengega (Aubree) home to the Veltema's.
Now I know some of you are going to get smart and ask what it means that there were two girls in my dream. Honestly, I don't know if it means anything. Maybe it does, but we'll let God work that one out. One thing we've learned without a doubt is that OUR plans mean absolutely nothing. We never know what the future holds, but it sure has been a wild and amazing ride for us so far. :)
I have a personal blog that is not available publicly. It's more like a diary where I document my most personal thoughts. I usually only use my personal blog when something big and private is going on in my life. I blogged about all of my miscarriages as they happened. I blogged about the early days of my pregnancies, before they became public knowledge. I blogged about our adoption before it was public knowledge too. Tonight I realized that I have never gone back to read any of my personal blogs, and the reason for that is that many of them contain very painful memories. As soon as I realized that, I knew I had to read it. The painful memories cannot be shut away. They have to be dealt with.
I was reading through some of my old posts, and was actually quite entertained with myself, when I came across this little gem:
"I had my first dream about our adoption! In my dream, we had just come home from Ethiopia with two little girls. One of the girls was about 6 years old and spoke perfect English (which would be very unlikely in reality...hahaha!) The other girl was about 3 years old. They were sisters. I remember in my dream thinking, "this is not right...we were supposed to be adopting a baby!" But I was so in love with these precious little girls that it didn't matter. They were beautiful, and of course I had them all dressed up in pink with their hair perfectly braided and accessorized."
I wrote this on May 8, 2009. This was before we even started our home study. In the same post, I was all excited because our background clearances had just come through (part of the formal application process). This was before I was pregnant with Reed, and all I wanted was a BABY. I wanted the youngest baby I could possibly be placed with, and we hadn't even considered toddlers or older children. Obviously, so much changed over the course of our adoption. We got pregnant with a healthy baby, which made us open to older children, but we also learned so much more about adoption that made us want to be open to greater possibilities. I would have never imagined being matched with a 4 year old girl back when we started this process, but it is so obvious that Aubree belongs with us. Our adoption journey played out exactly how it needed to in order bring Lemlem Tengega (Aubree) home to the Veltema's.
Now I know some of you are going to get smart and ask what it means that there were two girls in my dream. Honestly, I don't know if it means anything. Maybe it does, but we'll let God work that one out. One thing we've learned without a doubt is that OUR plans mean absolutely nothing. We never know what the future holds, but it sure has been a wild and amazing ride for us so far. :)
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