A Piece of My Heart...

...is missing. Have you seen it? I know where it is. I left it in Ethiopia. How do I get it back? Do I even want it back. No, not really. I want it to stay there. If it stays there, I know I'll go back someday. I want to go back.


I can't stop thinking about the people there. Wonderful people who are and will always be so special to Brandon and I. People who are special to our daughter. The remaining members of our daughter's first family. They are never far from my mind. Especially her grandmother. Her grandmother who is in poor health, who I desperately want to spend more time with, and who I desperately wish I could help. Because of the way international adoption works, we are not allowed to help her. It would blur the lines of ethics, and in turn, negatively effect other waiting children and families. If we gave her money to go to a health clinic or to buy medicine, her neighbors would take notice. In desperation, they might think about relinquishing a child in hopes that the adoptive family would help them. I understand why we aren't allowed to lend a helping hand, but it is so hard. I can't even tell you how often I try to come up with a way to indirectly help HER specifically. It breaks my heart. :(


I can't stop thinking about all the kids in Ethiopia. The kids who are hungry, as Aubree once was. There are so many. And while international adoption is great, my eyes have been opened to the sad reality that it is not a solution for the size of the orphan crises there. I want to do something about it. I want to do something to help the people in the country that I have fallen in love with. I want to see them build up a foster care system and a domestic adoption system. I want to see the children being educated and taught job skills. And I feel like I can't do anything from here! My heart is longing for a way to help. A way to give back to the beautiful country that gave me my amazing daughter.