An Explanation

Right now I'm feeling like I need to explain my emotions from the last few months. As you are all well aware, our family has been on an emotional roller coaster.

A lot of people seem to think that we're just in that last stage of the adoption process where everyone gets a little "case of the crazies". Particularly when it comes to the subject of advocating for our child, rather than just standing by and waiting quietly. I know very well that every family gets very anxious from the time they pass court to the time they get their invitation to travel to the embassy. In fact, if you've adopted from Ethiopia through our agency in the past year, chances are I remember watching you go through your crazy stage. I may have had the same thoughts. "Oh, she's just at that overly-emotional point." I get it.

But here's the thing. The game has changed drastically over the past year, particularly when it comes to the new 2 trip requirement. First trip, meet your child and attend court. Second trip, get your child's visa and bring your child home. For some, it has been that simple, and we are incredibly happy for those families. Unfortunately, it was not that simple for us and for many others. You see, we were told that we would have our daughter home weeks ago. Obviously, that was not the case. Not only that, but we have received very little information as to WHY. And also no information indicating WHEN this will be over. And here's the real catch. We've met our daughter. We've held her, hugged her, kissed her, played with her, etc. And more importantly, OUR DAUGHTER HAS MET US. We are real to her. She is 4 years old, so she remembers. On the day we met, we were under the impression that we would just be introduced as visitors. We were very comfortable with this plan because we didn't want to be known to L as Mommy and Daddy, and then "abandon" her when we went back home. Apparently, the nannies at her orphanage were not following this game plan. We were immediately introduced to L as Mommy and Daddy. "This is your Mommy and Daddy. You should love them. Give them hugs. Give them kisses." I believe those were the words used. We realized there was no going back after that. We connected with her while we were there, and feel that she connected with us a little too. Then we had to leave her behind. It was hard, but "knowing" we would be back in about a month made it bearable. There were some families that did make it back in that time frame. Some of those families took pictures of L for us when they went back. She looked heartbroken in those pictures. We were told that she definitely noticed that we were not there with the rest of that group. Our daughter remembers us. She remembers our faces. SHE IS WAITING FOR HER MOMMY AND DADDY TO COME BACK AND GET HER. It has now been almost 3 months since we met. Her bedroom has been ready for about 2 months. She knows what it looks like because we've had enough time to send her pictures after it was finished. She has a winter jacket, snow pants, hats, mittens, and boots waiting for her. I hope that she will be home soon enough to get some use out of them. We are hoping to get some really good news next week, but as of right now, we have NO IDEA when we will be able to bring her home.

There are 3 other families that have been waiting since October with us, and several other families who are also delayed at the embassy. None of us have received much of a reason why we are delayed, and none of us have been told how long we will be waiting. It is so easy for other people who are not in our situation to think we are silly or "going overboard" by even thinking of contacting the government agencies responsible for our delay. REALLY? Let's put this into a different perspective. Those of you who have children: imagine your child was in a foreign country on the other side of the world. You have been told that you cannot come get them because the embassy is not ready to issue a visa. They can't give you a time frame of how long it will be before they will be ready. The agency that you are relying on to get you these answers, through no fault of their own, are not able to get you any information. Would you just continue to wait and do nothing? Or would you do everything in your power, and within your rights, to get the situation solved in a more timely manner? When I put it like that, I almost feel ashamed that I HAVEN'T contacted the embassy myself yet.
So, I think you could all agree that this is something much bigger than a case of the "adoption crazies". Our situation is very complex and agonizing, and I am terrified that it could negatively effect the attachment process with our daughter. Would you be able to trust a Mommy and Daddy who you thought you hit it off with, but then left you for 3 months? Think about it. Here is another thing that may be difficult for outside parties to understand. How could I feel so strongly for an adopted child who is not even home yet? Its very simple really. She is just as much my child as your children were yours before you had them in your arms. I may not be feeling her kick from inside of my belly, or be kept awake all night by heartburn. But not a moment passes by that I don't think about what it will be like to bring her home. How it will change the dynamics of our household. How it will be to dress her in pretty clothes and style her hair. I dream about our future together and her future as an individual. And trust me, I am kept awake at night by a different sort of heartburn.

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