Insomnia

This is a strange, new experience for me. Sleep usually comes so easily. Almost too easily. But tonight I have tossed and turned. I'm sure my nagging sinus infection isn't helping the situation. (Thank goodness for my Neti Pot!) Mostly though, my mind is just racing. I want to be in Ethiopia. I want to hold our daughter in my arms and start our permanent relationship as mother and daughter. I've read all about the attachment process. I know it will be a challenge since she is almost 4 years old, but I'm ready. In fact, I can't wait to start our attachment process. I find the whole thing fascinating and I'm excited to try out the new knowledge I have. There will be many bumps along the way, but we are ready. She belongs here, at home with her family.

Tomorrow......or today actually (it's 1:30am) is New Years Eve. For the first time since Brandon and I have known each other, we do not have plans tonight. We usually celebrate with friends and have a great time. We look forward to it every year. But honestly, I don't feel like I have any celebration left in me right now. At least half of my heart is still in Ethiopia. Partly because I love Ethiopia. I love the laid back, happy people there who are not afraid to love each other. I love that I never once saw processed food while we were there. I love the beautiful mountains in the distance that surround the capital city. I'm even starting to miss the startling sound of early morning dog fights, and the lingering smell of diesel fuel. Mostly though, my heart is being held captive by little L. I'm still amazed that during the one short meeting we had with her, we were able to see how perfect she is for our family. As much as I hate the troubles she has had to experience in her short life, I know that she was meant to be a part of our family. Our family is incomplete without her here.

Perhaps this insomnia is God's way of preparing me for the sleepless nights that lay ahead. We are sure to have quite few of them as we help our new little one adjust to her new home. Could this be yet another similarity between pregnancy and adoption? I remember very clearly how difficult it was to sleep during the final month of pregnancy. The good thing about adoption is that I can take Tylenol PM tonight with a clear conscience. Which, by the way, is starting to kick in. Back to bed.